Taking a break from studying to upload my amazing religion essay
There once was a poor little boy named Catherine. His unfortunately feminine name just adds to his misfortune. One day, Catherine was tending the fields for no reason, and was attacked by a platypus. This platypus was different from normal platypuses, in the fact that it had fangs and liked human blood. Catherine was shocked, but he had an adrenaline rush and charged the platypus vampire. Catherine defeated the evil platypus, but he was still confused as to why a vampire platypus was wandering the fields, and why it suddenly attacked him. Catherine went back home to his family, and told them about what happened. His mother and father were perplexed, and his sister, Fred, didn’t seem to care about his misfortune. Catherine went to bed, but couldn’t seem to sleep. Finally, Catherine got out of bed and walked back to the fields, hoping for future clues as to what happened there. What Catherine saw was his sister Fred, walking into a giant tunnel he had never noticed before in the middle of the field. Catherine, with good reasoning, decided to follow Fred into this very sketchy-looking tunnel in the middle of the field that he never noticed before. Catherine followed Fred for what seemed like hours, until he ended up in a giant room, where dozens of people surrounded a giant statue of something he didn’t know. Catherine hid in the corner, as he watched Fred walk to the front of the group and begin to speak. “Okay, minions,” Fred bellowed, “Our plan to kill the young and stupid one seems to have failed. I thought the mere shock of seeing a vampire platypus would be enough of a weapon, but it seems this boy is stronger than we have previously thought. Let us pray to our god, Fran, who is most definitely not the Israelite god, and I would like to take this time to mention that we also practice polytheism.”
Catherine was shocked. Not only had Fred taken on an unexpectedly masculine voice, but she also belonged to another religion, or at least worshipped other gods. Catherine pondered what to do. Nobody told him what he should do if his sister tried to kill him, and was planning what to try next with dozens of strangers, in boy scouts. Catherine decided that the most logical strategy would be to jump out into the open. He did, and everyone turned and gasped.
“Fred,” Catherine bellowed, “You have betrayed our family. Prepare for annihilation. Tonight, we dine in Hell.”
“Oh, so you figured out my little scheme, eh? That I’m secretly a 52-year-old man, pretending to be your little sister so I can figure out all your secrets? I have tried everything on you, but nothing seems to work.”
“Wait…What?” Catherine said smartly.
Catherine decided to take this moment to pray to God, as it seemed as good a time as ever. Catherine prayed that he would have the power to overcome his sister/brother. And Catherine’s wish was granted, and God rested in his soul. Catherine suddenly felt stronger. Catherine fought the Frannites, and defeated them in a bloody battle to the death with his bare hands. Catherine left the burrow-thing, and turned away just as it blew up. Catherine came home with a lot of explaining to do for his mom and dad.
[My religion teacher commented: You barely clinged to the Judges pattern, but your story is cinematic and even humorous.]
i’m about to cry
my brother told me that only today he found out that LGBT stood for les/gay/bi/trans instead of lettuce green bacon tomato
he looked at me and he had tears in his eyes and he said in the most horrified voice
i’ve been telling people i like LGBT sandwiches okay that means i’ve been having gay sandwiches
then he started to cry and ran off and yelled
they all think i’ve had gay threesomes!!!!!
i’m actually crying omg
